Saturday, July 01, 2006

I thought the stalking was over...

So, I did it. I actually stalked a family around the Whole Foods Market this afternoon. I thought that once we had our documents in to China, I'd stop stalking people (The FedEx man is MUCH safer in my neighborhood these days!!).

Can I get a "oh yeah" from all of you out there who have done this very same thing? Yeah, you know who you are.

So, I noticed this family in the produce section. A BEAUTIFUL little girl (I'd say she was about 4) of Asian descent, and a Mom and Grandmother of VERY NOT Asian descent. So, ok, MAYBE she's married to a VERY Asain guy, but she didn't get ANY of her Mother's genes if that was the case, so I am under the impression the little girl was adopted. I kept trying to get the courage to speak with them, but I didn't know how to approach them (without sounding rude or like I was prying). Plus, I bet they get approached ALL THE TIME, and are probably sick of it. But I had a REALLY good excuse, right??!! So, I stalked them for the ENTIRE store... I wasn't really creepy about it, but I felt really silly. I wish I knew what to say. I just wanted to say "Hey, we're doing that too! Your daughter is beautiful. We travel next summer to meet our daughter."

I did read a nice post along these lines maybe a week or so ago from a fellow blogger and friend here in NC. I like the way she posted on an adoptive parent (of a Chinese daughter) approaching her and her daughter. But that didn't feel right, since I am NOT an adoptive mother yet. Anyway, has anyone actually experienced this? I need to look into this a bit more. Until then, I'll stalk from a distance.


Kendra said...

As much as I want(ed) to, I almost never approach(ed) people with Asian children. Believe it or not, we are rarely approached either. I never mind when people do initiate conversation with us, though. Last week while at the beach, a man stopped in his tracks and said, "Gosh, your daughter is beautiful." I smiled and said thank you -- complimenting my child is always a fine way to start a conversation!! He didn't move on, but instead said, "I have a daughter who was adopted from China. Is that where your daughter is from?" I thought that was a snappy way to ask "Was she adopted?" without actually asking "Was she adopted?" I politely smiled and said "Yes, she's from Guangdong Province. Where is your daughter from?" We had a moment of friendly chit-chat, then said bye and moved on. It was all very nice.

Some people might get offended by being approached, but I don't. I see it as a great way for Liv to learn how to handle all the questions and, since most of these people are planning to adopt from China or have already adopted, she sees that there are many other families like hers. Mark and I were approached in a restaurant once by a family who had a grandchild from China. So, old or young, these "stalkers" are generally involved in the process somehow. We (that is, people who already HAVE our children) typically understand that and have a lot of patience because we remember when we stalked people around stores!! Next time, go ahead and say hello... or if you need an Asian child fix, give me a buzz and we'll meet for lunch again!

Nikki said...

This is an interesting topic, and one that I can TOTALLY relate to! We are on our way to be LID (hopefully) in the next few weeks. I see so many families where a little girl appears to be adopted, but I'm always so leary about approaching them and have no idea how to start a conversation, so trying to NOT be weird or rude, I just follow them around (which I'm sure is not weird at all!!)
It's just so exciting to see other people that you share something with, even though they don't know it.
I think opening with a compliment about the child would be the best....but, like you, since I don't have my daughter yet, I'm worried that I'll be stuck after that and just slink off!!
It's just nice to know that I'm not the only one out there feeling this way!

PinkDevora said...

Oh, I am THERE with you. I'm always dying to talk to parents like that, and I either don't do it, or screw it up royally.

Did it again this past Sunday. Only this time, I think I irritated the daughter, who was old enough to understand comments.


And I haven't even DTC'd yet!

G & G Hadden said...

Stalking, Oh yea I have been known to do that. I just love to see the families that have already adopted. Too chicken to actually go up and say anything to the parents, just how do you go about that opening statement? :)

Tracee said...

Okay...I'm MORE jealous that you have a Whole Foods in the neighborhood...I'm from Austin and have been transplanted to SW PA. Sigh. I have two options. Giant Eagle and Super Wal-Mart. God Bless Me...