Thursday, October 05, 2006

Friends, again...

Haven't I posted like 10 times on this very topic? Isn't it ALL the same?? It may be. So feel free to skip this post, I don't think I have anything NEW to say. Just the same old thing, maybe dressed up a little different...you've been warned!

So, I had this dream last night that my now ex-best friend called me to chat. In my dream it was both exciting AND upsetting, mainly because it was one of those dreams that was so realistic that when I woke up I felt that it had actually occured. As a little back story here, I give up on people as well as Plasmodiophora give up on their hosts, which is to say - I don't. Even when it is OBVIOUS I should. If my ex called me today, I'd talk to him and want to know he's doing well. Honestly! If B called me today, I would be both upset AND excited to hear from her. I considered calling her today, of course, but fortunately someone smarter than myself had encouraged me to delete her phone number months ago...Anyway, this all brought me to thinking about people and keeping in touch with current friends. I have a friend whom I see infrequently, and honestly do not know terribly well, but she is a wonderful person. I like her. She is bad about returning emails (a big part of that is she's a SAHM of an 18 month old), and occationally I think "Is it worth it to pursue this?". So far, I would say yes, definitly. But of other friendships, sometimes I wonder if it's worth "holding onto" them if it feels like maybe the time has passed, and that friendship isn't really worth saving. I go back to this ALL THE TIME, but I miss B. I miss being her friend, but that's a friendship that ended and I need to move the F on. But will I know when to move on in the furture from friends that aren't "good friends"? I think it's obvious in a recent case anyway, the answer is no...but maybe I'm learning. I am at the VERY least making some new friends, and there's something I never did before. Perhaps spreading the friendship wealth around is a better way to do things than having 2 or 3 REALLY REALLY good friends. Of course, I still have those 2 or 3 REALLY good friends, but now, I actually have become friendly with other people!! For me, it is a more "responsible" way to handle my social life. It must have something to do with the coming/onset of Motherhood. Do you learn to become more responsible because you are going to be a perent, or it is because you going to become a prent you become more responsible?

So far, I don't have an answer, but I do know, I have made more friends because I am becoming a parent, and so far, that's pretty good.

1 comment:

Ruby Cate said...

You're not alone... one of my very good friends dropped off the face of the planet because the man she married didn't 'like me' in her life, (we'd been best friends since high school) so rather than tell him to get over his 'jealous controlling self' she just "changed". She wasn't the same person, she morphed into this new woman that, had I met her today, would not want to be friends with- sadly. It just happens... and truth be told, I've made a few new friends who I now know I could not live with out, period. Karen is one of them. I know things happen for a reason & I am sad that a friendship that, was so important to us both years ago, means so little to her now... but who am I to bother fighting for pole position with a husband I didn't approve of to begin with. Not my bag of tricks, I have better things to accomplish & better friends to spend my time with. Unless my friend gets divorced, I don't ever see us being friends again, period. I have no tolerance for jealous, controlling, petty people and even though she's not like that, she married someone who is & that makes them a team that I'm not comfortable playing nice with, ya know?

And I've had those 'all too real' dreams too... sucks cuz you wake up thinking "holy shit, is she hiding under my bed or what?"... but then you figure out that it was just a dream, it's kinda like a cold hard slap in the face when you know that no, you're still not friends with this person & although you miss the old friendship, things just change in life, even if we don't want them to. They just do... It's too bad too because wouldn't it be nice if we could all just stay children forever & never have to deal with the adult crap that inevitably gets tossed our way? Especially in our 30's... I find more shit being thrown at me now than when I was in high school... only difference now is that I am old enough to choose not to indulge those doing the throwing.