Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Secrets - and the Adoption Catch-22

So, our 4 month (since LID) mark came and went here. Our agency tells us to expect about another 8 month wait to match. I TRY not to think about it. I TRY not to read the other blogs that talk about the slow-down in referrals. I especially try NOT to read the RQ blog, but yesterday I snuck on. It was aweful. She did the math for how many dossiers CCAA gets in a month, and then how many people had had their dossiers turned in. The number was roughly 1:3. One child for every 3 dossiers. Her speculation went on to say that at that rate, referrals could take YEARS... Then, just now I popped on and she said something about dossiers being referred by DTC, NOT LID...that would put us only one week closer (DTC June 9, LID June 15). But to some people, this is a big thing. Of course, it's ALL speculation. But hell, what ELSE do we have??

So, the big secret. The one I haven't told anyone...not even Tod... I looked at changing countries yesterday.Vietnam (our #3 country when we were choosing countries way back in the day) only has a 4 month wait time... 4 MONTHS. That means, if we'd have gone with them in June, well, Baby M would be Baby M from Vietnam, and she'd be home in time for Thanksgiving. THIS Thanksgiving. If we changed now, we'd have her say, by my 31st B-day. But, really, 2 things are stopping me from actually REALLY moving ahead with a change.

  1. As sick as it makes me, we can't AFFORD to change countries now. It wouldn't be THAT much in the grand scheme of things (cump change to a lot of folks out there), but to us...well, it's enough to make it impossible. In fact, it's also almost impossible for us to try to have a baby that shares our DNA, for that same reason. I can't imagine going from no kids to 2 in a matter of one year. If it were Tod giving birth, maybe! LOL. But I can't take time off work just to have a kid, then turn around in another 2 months and say, "oh, ha. I need another 3-6 months off for ANOTHER baby." It wouldn't be fair to Baby M. It wouldn't be fair to ANYONE. So, here we sit. The adoption catch-22.

  2. China called to us. I don't care how dumb you think that sounds, other China A-parents will tell you that's how it happens. China called; we just answered. Our Baby M is IN CHINA. If we change countries, well, we won't get Baby M. Period.
Doesn't this entire SYSTEM seem REALLY REALLY F-ed up? Lots of babies needing a good home, lots of good people with good homes wanting a baby... and yet, it takes YEARS to put the two together.

Control freaks do not do well in these types of situations....

1 comment:

uncle phil said...

baby m from vietnam? why wasn't i consulted? i live here too you know. i'm uncle phil for god's sake. if we switch countries, i already know where we're goin'. africa. i can teach the kid to play sports and he can get a free college education. skip a blog for a couple of weeks and see what happens? man, ya' think you know a person. noone tells me anything around here.