I'm at it again, damn it. I'm stalking China (and Vietnam) adoption blogs. I used to do it thinking "oh, when we get to this point, I'll remember this or that piece of advice". Or "oh, look at that, how cute is THAT referral picture?"... I used to be hopeful, and positive. I thought how wonderful it would be to be one of those people who had a baby from China. Now, I am trapped in "will it ever happen land". Now I read them to REMIND me that it SHOULD happen...eventually. It HAS happened for 1000's of people, surely it'll happen for us. Right? One day, I'll actually come onto this blog and say "here it is!! Our referral photo"... but on days like today, I don't see an end. In fact, I have a few friends with daughters from China and I used to really enjoy seeing them socially when I needed a China-adoption fix. This summer is shaping up to be different. I have a few open invites, but I just can't bring myself to visit with any of these families. My heart actually breaks when I See these families with babies from Asia these days. I was in Petsmart the other day and saw a mom with a daughter (who was obviously from china), and instead of smiling and being happy, I actually started crying. Sad, huh? I am sick to death of the bull shit. We could have our dossier in VN RIGHT NOW if it weren't for the effing US government. We're STILL waiting on a stupid fingerprint appointment. It's been about 6 weeks now. Oh, and get this, I can't call to check on the status b/c they won't answer questions like "do you have my f*cking paperwork or not?!!" over the phone. We're supposed to WRITE to them with our case number to make any inquires about our status... ok, government idiots, how the bloody hell do we do that if we don't HAVE A CASE NUMBER b/c we haven't HEARD BACK FROM CIS yet???! They did cash my 600 dollar check, however. Wasn't that nice of them? So far what have I gotten for my 600 bucks? Nada. Nil. Nothing. ... I guess I'm not having one of those zen days today, am I? ... I wonder what gave it away first? ... I am also sick to death of those happy little lists of "what to do during the wait". They all look so cute for the first 3-4 months... but now, we've been at this for nearly 2 years, and guess what? I've done almost everything on those adorable little lists, and you know what? It hasn't made it any easier. Maybe, when I make a list, the first thing I'm going to put on the list is this: Get drunk. I think THAT might actually help. The second thing on my list? Well, I think it would be: live in denial. So far, those are the only 2 things that have helped me though the wait... (ok, that's not really true, but it's funnier to think of than, make new friends, or lose 15 pounds... but I'm sticking to GET DRUNK.)
Wow. And you are still reading? I wonder what the draw is. You should go read someone else's' blog. You know, one of those "life is wonderful with my adopted Chinese baby" blogs. There are plenty out there. All sunshine and light... like the ones I've been reading. Bleck. I need a dose of reality. Where's the vomit? Where's the screaming tantrums? Maybe THAT would remind me why I am GLAD I'm still waiting... ok. no. that wouldn't make me glad either. *sigh*
Maybe tomorrow I'll be back with something worth reading. until then, where's that bottle of gin...?