Tuesday, July 03, 2007

At it again - WARNING: R rated post.

I'm at it again, damn it. I'm stalking China (and Vietnam) adoption blogs. I used to do it thinking "oh, when we get to this point, I'll remember this or that piece of advice". Or "oh, look at that, how cute is THAT referral picture?"... I used to be hopeful, and positive. I thought how wonderful it would be to be one of those people who had a baby from China. Now, I am trapped in "will it ever happen land". Now I read them to REMIND me that it SHOULD happen...eventually. It HAS happened for 1000's of people, surely it'll happen for us. Right? One day, I'll actually come onto this blog and say "here it is!! Our referral photo"... but on days like today, I don't see an end. In fact, I have a few friends with daughters from China and I used to really enjoy seeing them socially when I needed a China-adoption fix. This summer is shaping up to be different. I have a few open invites, but I just can't bring myself to visit with any of these families. My heart actually breaks when I See these families with babies from Asia these days. I was in Petsmart the other day and saw a mom with a daughter (who was obviously from china), and instead of smiling and being happy, I actually started crying. Sad, huh? I am sick to death of the bull shit. We could have our dossier in VN RIGHT NOW if it weren't for the effing US government. We're STILL waiting on a stupid fingerprint appointment. It's been about 6 weeks now. Oh, and get this, I can't call to check on the status b/c they won't answer questions like "do you have my f*cking paperwork or not?!!" over the phone. We're supposed to WRITE to them with our case number to make any inquires about our status... ok, government idiots, how the bloody hell do we do that if we don't HAVE A CASE NUMBER b/c we haven't HEARD BACK FROM CIS yet???! They did cash my 600 dollar check, however. Wasn't that nice of them? So far what have I gotten for my 600 bucks? Nada. Nil. Nothing. ... I guess I'm not having one of those zen days today, am I? ... I wonder what gave it away first? ... I am also sick to death of those happy little lists of "what to do during the wait". They all look so cute for the first 3-4 months... but now, we've been at this for nearly 2 years, and guess what? I've done almost everything on those adorable little lists, and you know what? It hasn't made it any easier. Maybe, when I make a list, the first thing I'm going to put on the list is this: Get drunk. I think THAT might actually help. The second thing on my list? Well, I think it would be: live in denial. So far, those are the only 2 things that have helped me though the wait... (ok, that's not really true, but it's funnier to think of than, make new friends, or lose 15 pounds... but I'm sticking to GET DRUNK.)

Wow. And you are still reading? I wonder what the draw is. You should go read someone else's' blog. You know, one of those "life is wonderful with my adopted Chinese baby" blogs. There are plenty out there. All sunshine and light... like the ones I've been reading. Bleck. I need a dose of reality. Where's the vomit? Where's the screaming tantrums? Maybe THAT would remind me why I am GLAD I'm still waiting... ok. no. that wouldn't make me glad either. *sigh*

Maybe tomorrow I'll be back with something worth reading. until then, where's that bottle of gin...?


Stacy said...

Just wanted to say I'm sorry you're having one of those days - I know I've had them. I've had a few spells where I boycott all my blog reading for a day or two cause I just can't stand all the happy-happy. Then a new day dawns, some better news comes along, and I am ok again. This process stinks, to put it mildly. I hope when you recover from your gin fog you get some good news on the fingerprinting appt...

S. said...

Sorry the wait is so tough for you right now. I hope you get word from CIS soon.

Linda said...

There is obviously some lesson for you here. Likely, it is something along the lines of: You do NOT control your world....no matter how hard you may try. That's a tough one, I know.
Best for you to move on. Forget about it for now. Focus on something that leaves no room for cute, little adopted babies....like skiing, or golf, or teaching 3 courses next semester or traveling around the world, or..How about this: make plans to turn the baby's room into an art gallery or quilt shop - open to the public. As soon as you hang the last display
....you'll get the call!
You know it will work.
Sorry you are having a rough time of it. Too bad they didn't put you in charge of the world. You'd do a damn fine job of keeping everything running well. Including foreign adoptions.

Jenny said...

Can you call me cause I am confused as to why you are re-doing prints. Unless they are expiring, but then you should have a 171 for China that you can just change and then re-do for China since you can do 2 adoptions on the same 171.

---Email me and I can call or you can call me? I am not sure if I am just confused or if you have funky info.

-Jenny---jennyfward AT yahoo DOT com

Jenny said...

Oh and if you want the real deal you can check out my "real" blog

adventuresindouble.typepad.com/twins...we don't sleep over here, in the NE part of town.

Bosley said...

from Lao Tzu's Tao te Ching-

"Do you have the patience to wait until the mud settles and the water is clear? Can you remain unmoving until the right action arises by itself?"

Crappy translation, but the point is taken, I hope.

If I could somehow absorb some of your pain, I would.


me said...

This is YOUR blog. It's a place to post your feelings no matter if you are as high as a kite or as low as a person can get. The "life is so perfect" blogs aren't always real. I know I'd rather read postings that are truthful no matter how angery or sad they may be. Nobody ever thought that this process was going to be easy, but who could have thought it was going to get this bad. It's freak'n hard! So on those days when you need to you should totally vent your ass off. There are those days when coping comes with ease and there are those days when it's not so much there. No matter what this is your place to "speak". Sing when you need to. Shout out when you need to.

Nesha said...

Y'all Rock. I always appreciate the comments. Keep them coming!
(I also appreciate that I am not the only one out here!!).