So, TG I had read about how little ones, when first coming home to their A-parents will often be WONDERFUL to their dad, and everyone else they meet, but can be particularly hard on their moms.... well, we have DEFINITELY had a bit of that. Actually about once a day Minute will have what I call a Melt-down (no, not very creative), and it is ALWAYS when we are alone together. Tod never gets to see Melt-down Minh. It starts suddenly; crying, thrashing, hitting, hair pulling (until I got smart and started pulling it back everyday), kicking...
The first time it happened I was unprepared. He had been an absolute joy . It is so sudden and so horrible that it makes me cry out of frustration. Today I think I finally had a breakthrough. Normally, I try to hold him, console him, feed him (he NEVER takes a bottle like this, but I try!), BUT today, I let him sit an sob. I sat with him, and stroked his leg and talked to him, but I didn't get upset (ok, yes I did. I even cried a little, but WAY better than before!), and I just started singing to him (Nora Jones was playing). After a few minutes (which felt like HOURS) he calmed down and let me put him in the carrier and he zonked right out. I guess what I did differently was I just let him have his time to be pissed off, or home sick (god knows I know how he feels), but was still letting him know I wasn't going anywhere.
This would absolutely destroy me if I hadn't read that it is fairly common with a-kids...especially early on. So, anyway, a little "not-so-feel-good" story. We shall see if it happens tomorrow... and I expect it to. The difference will be that I know 1) it isn't personal 2) it will pass and 3) he likes my singing...or at least he likes Nora Jones.
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3 comments:
yeah, sounds like grief. IT is good that he is working through it. It is hard to watch. I still can get upset when the girls have a fit.
take care-Jenny
you're doing a great job!! i've been following your blog - as my best friend is in vietnam "waiting it out" w/ his son - so i have been with you every step of the way since about february or march. the minute man is so cute, such an adorable son you have. God bless you all! and congratulations on your new family!
love, felicia
i'd say you had a breakthrough. good job, nesha! keep listening to your gut. you don't always have to hold him as you've figured out - remember what i mentioned about "too much too soon." just let him know you're right there with him like you did. as jenny said he's working through his grief, and that's incredibly positive.
by the way, i cry about every other day when cc gets really upset. it just breaks your heart.
that's great about the singing - it works for cc, too.
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