tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20017291.post905820005142068045..comments2024-01-20T03:32:29.697-05:00Comments on South Meets East: Confessions...Neshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11578361428396428941noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20017291.post-16161778882377407512007-06-03T15:06:00.000-04:002007-06-03T15:06:00.000-04:00Y'all are just wonderful. Thank you thank you!!Y'all are just wonderful. Thank you thank you!!Neshahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11578361428396428941noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20017291.post-7951176545343877392007-06-02T23:21:00.000-04:002007-06-02T23:21:00.000-04:00Nesha, I completely understand. I don't know if t...Nesha, I completely understand. I don't know if that helps at all, but I really do. I love what SP said and don't think it could be said better. Just be sure to feel your feelings and then let it all go - at least for a little while until it comes around again.<BR/><BR/>One thing I might add is that this seemingly never-ending China wait is totally out of your hands. It's not like you're giving up on Baby M. Ultimately, who arrives first doesn't matter. They're both meant to be with you and you with them. You will love each of them completely - neither one more or less than the other.Kathrynhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15445031446983030067noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20017291.post-88986737602554646262007-06-01T13:53:00.000-04:002007-06-01T13:53:00.000-04:00Danesha,Bless your heart... I'm VERY aware of what...Danesha,<BR/><BR/>Bless your heart... I'm VERY aware of what you are talking about and feeling. My circumstances are a little different, but really kind of similar. Where you started a second adoption during the wait for baby #1, I got pregnant during the wait for baby #1. Liv (adopted) is older than Clay (bio) by 2 months... Part of me was ecstatic that she was older -- because she really was the "first" in our hearts. But it's hard to explain to others that the youngest one arrived first. Just remember that they are both going to be LITTLE when they join your family -- and to them, it matters very little which one came first. Clay, Liv and I have discussions all the time about this. There are no hurt feelings... it's just a matter of fact. They each have their special story. We'll revisit this later, I'm sure, but for now it simply doesn't matter. Stop beating yourself up -- look at it is as doing baby M a favor -- you're providing a sibling and a playmate. In my house, that's priceless. It will be in yours too.<BR/><BR/>But until these feelings ease -- {{hugs}}.Kendrahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13472907547786405829noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20017291.post-7382152220634476092007-06-01T13:32:00.001-04:002007-06-01T13:32:00.001-04:00And Thank you Amy for your comment! Very thoughtfu...And Thank you Amy for your comment! Very thoughtful. <BR/>~NeshaNeshahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11578361428396428941noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20017291.post-79365623131239522932007-06-01T13:32:00.000-04:002007-06-01T13:32:00.000-04:00SP - You are wonderful. Thank you thank you for yo...SP - You are wonderful. Thank you thank you for your comment, Hon. I think I will print it out and re-read it every night for the next for months!! (Or until I stop feeling bad about it!!)<BR/>many hugs,<BR/>NeshaNeshahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11578361428396428941noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20017291.post-36618148829566280552007-06-01T05:34:00.000-04:002007-06-01T05:34:00.000-04:00I can actually understand what you are saying..Im ...I can actually understand what you are saying..Im sorry you are experiencing these emotionsAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07911773829437982808noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20017291.post-22542281312162016242007-05-31T21:42:00.000-04:002007-05-31T21:42:00.000-04:00I hope this doesn't come across as downplaying wha...I hope this doesn't come across as downplaying what you're feeling. That's not what I intend; I'm being supportive and I hope it comes out that way. You're experiencing a good hefty dose of parent guilt -- one of those things baby books never tell you about. A child is a child, regardless of how they join your family. If you want children, I think you should get them any (legal :)) way that is right for you. When we got pregnant with our second child we had tremendous guilt about the life changes it would bring for our first child. We worried about him feeling second best, left out, replaced. What we realize now is those are adult worries and young children who are close in age and growing up together just accept their world as it is. Mine aren't old enough yet to think too deeply about subjects, so maybe it will come up later. Or maybe, hopefully, they will always feel so loved by us that birth order won't matter very much. Yes, your commitment to your child begins at the moment of "conception" -- aka you write the first check of the paperchase -- but the true commitment comes the moment you see them for the first time and know without a doubt you'd step in front of a speeding bus without blinking to protect them. Whether that child is from China, Vietnam, or your own genetics, the commitment is the same and point of origin matters far less than the love and acceptance they live with everyday in your home. I applaud your choice. Life has so many twists and turns that we should never hesitate to grab happiness when it's within our reach. Both of your children will love you and you will love them. They will both be unique personalities and you won't be able to imagine you life without them. And remember, while learning about their birth countries is important, you don't have to be an expert before they join your family. There will be many years to learn about and celebrate their birth cultures together. Good for you! SPAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com