Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Tod Speaks


I have been keeping busy; right now I am making the final push to rip all our cds onto the hard drive, so we can sell most of our cds and our stereo equipment. My current frustration is that I have far more ideas and projects than energy, so every day I must temper my zeal and pay attention to my needs for rest. My primary focus is to take stock of all our possessions and sell/donate/trash what is extraneous, and organize and maintain what is needed. Only being able to lift 8 pounds limits what I can tackle. Otherwise I try to keep the house in order so Danesha can focus on finishing her dissertation and watch movies, read, or video games for mild activity. I pulled a muscle at the base of my right rib cage which means I can't take a full breath without shooting pain, very frustrating for someone who enjoys yoga and chanting and not being in pain.


Me Status: Today I have reinstituted the intentional day. I think my body is ready for it and my mind is craving it. It will develop into something more regimented, though always flexible if the need arises: for now I plan to be up at 6am, yoga/meditation until 7am, read/write/shower/prepare breakfast until 8am, breakfast from 8-8:30, rest until 9am…at least a half hour break after lunch, dinner 7:30-8 at least a half hour break after dinner…. 11 pm bed time. My main large project to begin is taking stock of all our possessions and selling/donating/ giving away what we don’t need and organizing and maintaining what we do. I will run into a wall on this project since I can’t lift anything of great consequence until 4/1/06, so the attic and crawlspace are out until then. My strength has been coming back steadily and my ability to regulate body temp and my resistance to fatigue has improved greatly recently. I attribute some to the change from Lopressor to Coreg that my cardiologist prescribed last Thursday and some to natural healing process. The rib muscle pull is waning in pain, it still tightens during random breaths but now it is usually just discomfort and no spasms or shooting pain. I will be ecstatic when it fully heals so I can chant and breathe properly and deeply again, I have deeply missed that. I find it much easier to cleanse the mind with some sort of accompanying vocalization to help interrupt the thought threads.

Household Update: We reconfigured the desk and computer area to better serve the dissertation process and that has served Nesh well and she has been more productive. Maddie has recovered from her most recent of chronic ear infections and seems to be doing much better after a food change and eye drops. Sheba is great, we barely notice her, she spends nearly all her day in the back yard and then comes in at night and puts herself to bed. Eden loves having her people around so much and is a beneficent queen of the house. The cats are all well though Pablo continues to fight with a local cat. Phil is getting by at work without assaulting anyone and is excited about the possibilities of our business ideas (more later as they develop).

Acknowledgements: I give deep heartfelt thanks to the multitude that have helped us through loving support, medical knowledge and care, financial aid, prayer and care. It has made this a much more pleasant journey for us and I thank each and every one of you. I know there is no quid pro quo in these gifts to us but I intend not to disappoint your collective faith in me and in us. If there is one prayer it is thank you.


Sunday, February 19, 2006

Doing a little better

We're finally *maybe* starting back up the slope. We were invited to a very low-key party last night and Tod PROMISED he'd take it easy if I let him go. So we went. It was wonderful. He was amazingly upbeat, and everyone at the party was totally fooled into thinking he's doing great all the time. (I'll just let them think that!) He also seemed to be revitalized by the outing, rather than drained. It was both very surprising and VERY VERY good to see. I still hesitate to go out much, especially since it just turned cold here again, but maybe a few outings a week can be good for the soul. The rest of the time, we'll be working on doing some of the things some of y'all have suggested. Keep the suggestions coming!

On another note, I've been SUPER slow ansewering emails and posting lately b/c most of my computer time is spent finishing my #*%^)!! dissertation. Please don't be upset if I take a week or more to get back to you. My poor little hands are already feeling the strain from so much typing! I can't WAIT to get a REAL job!! LOL.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Another day, another doctor

Well, we met with Tod's cardiologist today. Still no change in Tod's aortic rhythm (or lack there of), but his medication has been changed. Again. However, the other medication he was on cost us NOTHING, this one costs 40 bucks a month. Although if it helps, how can you put a price tag on that? (It's just too bad that it couldn't be less costly, since that is only ONE medication and he's on like 5). The good news is that Dr. L is hopeful that they can manage the problem with medication, rather than having to put in a pacemaker. We go back to him in one month to see if the costly meds are actually making a differnce.

And a very small milestone of sorts was met today on the adoption front. Those of you who have gone through the process might wonder how we are going to get our medical reports cleared if my husband has just had major heart surgery. Well, I spoke with our agency, and they were SUPER helpful and promised they were going to make it all look good.. IF the doctor would sign off on it. I've been nervous about this for months. But, finally, today, we finally got the doctor to say he'd be willing to write the letter we'd need to give Tod the "clean bill of health". I was so glad to hear it I nearly cried. So, we have a few more items in our dossier than MOST, but I think in the end, we'll still be on track for a late May DTC. ROCK ON! Hopefully by this time next year, we'll have our beautiful baby girl, and Tod (and his newly fixed heart) will have something new to smile about.

We are making progress. My house is still a mess, and I'm still exhausted all the time. However, as a friend recently pointed out: If you are dissapointed in your state of things, change your expectations. So, I am now using THAT as my new motto. Instead of trying to get 10 things done in one day, I'll try for 2. If I get them done, well, then I'm golden. If I get 3 things done, I'm ahead. Thanks M for the dose of optimism. I love it.

Please keep the good wishes coming. We're starting to drop off a bunch of folk's radar now that the worst is over, but this is still a lot of work, and well, it's AWESOME to hear that y'all are still pulling for us.

Now, I'm off to meet with someone about an "almost" real job! More on this later.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

No real news to report

Just a brief update - It seems that's all I have in me these days. Tod's doing okay. He's tired of being not well and tired of recovering from heart surgery. His spirits aren't as good as they were either. Of course, mine aren't now either, but that mainly has to do with the weekend visitor (MIL)..but she's gone so I can resume somewhat normal activites. Her visit was difficult for Tod too, however. It's amazing how important your mother is, even if you don't like her (and to clarify, I am NOT talking about MY MOTHER. My mother is awesome, and we LOVE her).

As for Tod's medical stuff: We have a clean bill of health from the surgeon, but still have an "abnormal" EKG, so we meet with the cardiologist Thursday. They are still worried about the lack of normal rhythm in Tod's heart, and are following it closely.

Tod is still out of work for about another month, maybe 6 weeks. He's already getting cabin fever, and I am not sure how to combat it. Many people have sent movies, and that helps a LOT (thanks to all of you!!), but you can only watch SO MANY MOVIES in a day!! Any ideas for what to do?? The basic problem seems to be two fold. Tod has little to no stamina, so even walking around is challenging, and we are totally broke, so something fun (like going out to a movie) is really out for now. And furthermore, it's actually been COLD here!! We were spending time at a local garden every few days, but with the weather being cold now Tod can not be out for any length of time.

But, I suppose, this too will pass... I'll write more on Thursday after the cardiologist's appointment. I'll try not to be so depressing then.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Catching up

Now that the initial freak-out of Tod's surgery is over, and my exhaution at the end of each day is just beginning to abate, I thought I'd post briefly. First off, Tod's doing great. His energy is good, and he can't stop talking about all the things he wants to donow that he's feeling better. He still sleeps a lot, and needs to limit his activites everyday, but all in all, progress is being made. His chest "wound" is healing well, and much of the bruising is going away. In fact, I'm still surprised when I see it. It is both aweful and "not that bad" at the same time. Strange how your perceptions change so dramatically.

As for me, I'm still trying to catch up on my sleep. I'm perpetually exhausted it seems. It's all I can do to get the daily chores done, and remain pleasant. This weekend will proove my greatest challenge yet, and I hope I have recoverd SOME before my Mother in Law arrives. Otherwise... well, I might be spending long periods of time at the office.

Good wishes continue to pour in. Thank you all. I have been very behind with my email correspondence, and haven't thanked everyone individually yet. I will get to that. I keep thinking that each night will be th enight I sleep ENOUGH to allow me to wake fresh withough feeling just as tired as I went to bed...but not yet. As a consequence, I haven't had the energy for email, or anything really. I'm trying to write my dissertation in the "down" time, but so far, it's been woefully slow going. I had no idea staying home taking care of my honey would be this difficult. Well, ok, it's not difficult. it's exhausting. And I don't mind (i wouldn't have anyone else do it that's for sure!!) but it is more work than I thought. I just had no idea what to expect, but it wasn't this.

Ok, I'm done. Maybe I'll even try catching a nap while Tod is asleep. Generally, I don't nap, but today MIGHT be the day where I finally get enough...maybe. Or maybe not. Eitherway, we're both still here, and that's what counts!