Sunday, July 20, 2008

confessions

I have changed my mind. I want to go home. Or rather, to Vietnam, THEN home. I cna't WAIT to get out of here and go to meet The Minute. That's all I can think about. Well, that and how crappy I feel. I think I've picked up something...maybe just a sinus infection. Needless to say, I feel like hammered dog poo. Now everyone is here for the conference and EVERY WHERE I GO people want to talk to me. Charming when all you want to do is crawl under the covers, pull them over your head, and cry. I'm lonely. I'm home sick, and I want my Mommy. The absolute worst part is that I can not just pick up the phone ans call her, or anyone when ever I want. It costs too much and I feel like I'm supposed to be having the time of my life, so I don't want to TELL anyone I'm miserable... but of course, y'all now know.

I do have a slightly funny story from yesterday. AH has promised to chaperon me (we have a mutual friend from the States with whom we both work, and that's how we first met), so he promised this friend he'd take care of me while I'm here. And he has, for the most part. YEsterday anyway. However, he's been told by his wife (whom I met on Friday, you will recall) that he is not allowed to be alone with me. Seriously. She calls like 4 times every hour wanting to know where he is and who he's with. So every where we go, we have like at least 2 other people. I guess AH is not only under the command of his wife, but scared of me. hee hee hee. I like to tease him about it. It's fun. Esp. since I've always known this is how it would be. I am after all at a professional conference and everything has to be very up and up. Plus all the other good reasons to behave!! ;-> Still, it's nice to have a friend here, and he is cute, and has a great accent. So I'll put up with him for the time being anyway.

Last night I went to a mixer. The first of like 6 I have to attend. I didn't make it past the entrance for the entire hour of the party. No joke. I met person after person after person. They were all just wonderful. REally. They were all so nice to me. BUT, it's incredibly hard to be charming and witty when you feel so lousy. There is also nothing for me to eat at these functions, so I drink wine to be doing something, and wow does that sneak up if I'm not careful!! I don't even like to drink this much in a single week, but I had 4 or 5 glasses last night then had to switch to water for fear I'd pass out! The kicker is that I spoke to so many people, and it was loud in the room, so I had to really speak up, that I nearly lost my voice. That's ALL I NEED!! But it was a good excuse to leave at the end of the night.

Today I was invited to High Tea, but chose to skip it. I really should have gone, I I really don't feel well, and was also invited to lunch with the guy who paid for me to come over here, so I thought Id save my strength so I could be charming and witty with him. Then I'll come back to my room, get in bed and cry before going out to this damn cocktail party where I am one of the featured guests. Maybe I can put in an appearance and then sneak out. Tomorrow is my talk, and I alternate between being ok with it and wanting to vomit.

Sorry this post is uber lame. I'm pretty down today. I have to keep telling myself that this is an incredible chance of a life time (it is!!) and I'm making all kinds of really good contacts; some have already talked to me about coming back in 2 years... but I haven't been gone this long ALONE ever and I really really miss home. I also had no idea how difficult this would be. It never entered my mind that I'd be around so many people and yet feel so isolated. And furthermore, I have NEVER in my life, heard so much potty humor. I'm impressed by the audacity of this place!! It's alright, and certainly not stuffy, but I'm not used to this kind of talk in a professional setting. I never know if I'm supposed to laugh at the obscene jokes, or pretend I didn't hear them! anyway, I need to shower and try to become human again. Cheers, mates.

4 comments:

Mindy said...

your experiences remind me a bit of when i lived in Scotland. there was so much drinking, hard to imagine people could tolerate that much!

i'm sorry you're feeling so lonely and ill. you've been under non-stop stress for a while now and it can catch up to you. I hope you find time to relax and just breathe. things are going to get even more exciting soon, hopefully you can bank some sleep before then! I'm thinking positive thoughts for you!
Hugs

BMA said...

You're a strong woman, and I know this is just a dip in your reserves of strength. Don't you recall living in Thailand for 6 weeks? Compared to that, this should feel like a walk in the park! And think about what is waiting for you on the other side...Minnie the Pooh!
Be strong. Get more rest, even at the cost of missing a social event or two.
Love and hugs from across many miles.

worlds best monkey said...

hey you call whenever you need. don't worry about the time difference. i have the phone right by the bed. i'll wake up. don't let yourself get down like this hon. your mom is right, the minute is just around the corner. but, you call anytime you need a friendly (albeit grumpy) voice. and you could always try punch-dancing your rage away.

Jill said...

i work on aussie time sometimes do you have skype? Not that you know me or anything but I am not a stalker :)